


The Call

by destroyold



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-29
Updated: 2014-07-29
Packaged: 2018-02-10 21:45:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2041344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/destroyold/pseuds/destroyold
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A story about the development of Marco and Jean's relationship told from their early days as trainees to the great soldiers they turned out to be in the end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Call

**Author's Note:**

> This story was mostly written with the song "The Call" by Regina Spektor. It was also inspired by the leaves from the vine post on Tumblr, which kept me thinking a lot (and made me cry like a baby).  
> This goes to my friend Cam, who loves the relationship between Jean and Marco very dearly as far as I can tell.
> 
> I decided to write this after finishing Shingeki No Kyojin. I was surprised to see Jean's character development in action the whole time, and I must say that he is my favorite character from there.  
> Special thanks to my girlfriend, who has had enough patience to hear/read me talking about these two a lot recently.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Mel.

It had been his father's fault. Marco Bodt had always been someone worthy of great future plans. Coming from Jinae, he had introduced himself at the same time he crossed an arm on his chest with his hand turned into a fist laying on top of where his heart was, saluting the Instructor with a hint of fear, and promising everyone around him that he would do his best to contribute to the King's protection.  
After discussing the idea of being part of the military service that would bring the titans down one day with his father, Marco felt relieved and ready to help humanity to achieve safety in freedom. He knew that people would not be safe without someone in charge of the land, so he swore to himself that he would live the rest of his life preparing himself to protect and serve the King. Marco was always considered a smart kid by his father.

"Excuse me." He said to a short, blonde girl. "Could you tell me where our room is?"  
"Hi, Marco." She said with a high-pitched voice, turning around with her arms holding a piece of bread and a canteen. "Our room is like six buildings away from here. You were going in the right direction anyway, I suppose you will see some of the boys and girls there."  
"Your name is Krista, isn't it?" He asked her. "Thanks for helping me."  
"Yes. And that's fine." Krista replied as she started walking away from him. "By the way, don't let him let you down. I think the King would be honored to have someone like you to take care of him."  
"Thanks." He replied as his cheeks turned pink-ish. He wasn't used to receiving compliments.

After seeing the Potato Girl attack Krista as soon as she saw that piece of bread, Marco kept on his way to the 104th Trainee Squad's room, appreciating the silence that surrounded him. After that day, he knew those would probably be his only moments of peace.  
When he arrived at his destination, he quietly walked towards his bed and then stopped to watch some of his comrades getting their things out of their luggage. Connie, one of them, got close to him after the talk they had had with Eren Jaeger that afternoon. Marco smiled as he sat on his bed and watched Connie sit on the bed next to his.

"Hey, is it alright if I stay here? You are the only person I know, so-"  
"Yeah, it's fine." Marco interrupted him with a giggle and a nod, inviting Connie to join him. "Enjoying your stay?"  
"It hasn't been tough yet." Connie answered as he yawned, grinning later with a strange light in his eyes. "At least I'm not retiring like those losers we saw a while ago."  
"Oh, that would be miserable." Marco admitted. "I am expecting great things to happen from now on."  
"I totally agree!" Exclaimed Connie with a big smile on his face. "The members of this squad seem to be very interesting people. They all seem to have a good reason to be trainees." Just as he spoke, a mad Jean Kirschstein entered the big room and walked in their direction, pissed off at his best. There was no way he would not take the bed above Marco's. "Damn it. I think that's enough chat for today."

Connie and Marco stared at the other boy silently, sitting on their beds waiting for the storm to come. It was Marco who had the misfortune of encountering Jean.  
"Hey, man. Can you hold my stuff for a second?" Jean asked him as he gave him his bag and started climbing the ladder. He clearly wasn't waiting for Marco to agree with him. "Right, thanks." He said as he sat on the upper bed and took his bag from Marco's hands.

Marco didn't have the time to say anything against this guy, who certainly seemed upset after his fight with Eren at the dining room. God, even that Eren guy was weird. Marco still wondered who could possibly still wish to kill a single titan after encountering one of them. Poor young soul.

"Night, Connie." He whispered as he undressed to sleep, and got into bed. "Night, Jean."

Everyone was already getting ready to sleep. The next day they would start practising with their 3D Maneuver Gear equipment, and would have three days to master it.  
Marco smiled full of hope, feeling quite positive about what was coming for him.

* * *

God, it felt as if he hadn't slept at all. Sleeping five hours didn't do any good for his motivation, but it was time for him to wake up. He wasn't willing to get late to the first morning of training.

"Morning, Marco."

The boy from Jinae opened his eyes widely in disbelief as he started putting his uniform on. That had come from upstairs if he wasn't mistaken.

"Morning, Jean." He replied cheerfully, staring at the man that was now sitting in front of him, as Marco had stood up from his own bed. "How are you-"  
"I think you should wake him up, otherwise he will be late." Kirschstein suggested as he put his jacket on and climbed down the ladder. "See you on the field."

As he saw Jean point towards Connie, who was drooling in his sleep, Marco poked his friend on the face and watched the other guy leave.  
"Connie, wake up, you should be ready by now." Marco yelled at him while he finished dressing up. "Hurry up!"

Connie Springer got out of his bed as fast as he could, stepping on his boots as he changed t-shirts. Marco waited there as his friend rapidly got ready.  
He was a skinny guy with big eyes and various facial expressions. His skin was tan and he wasn't very tall. Well, not everyone could easily be acknowledged as "tall" by Marco, since he had always been the tallest person in his group of former friends. Now, there were only two people that beat him, Reiner and Bertholdt.

"Marco, you shouldn't have waited for me. Shadis will punish you for something that isn't your fault."

"We've still got some minutes left to get there, so stop talking and let's get out of this place."

Both boys went to the training field as soon as possible, taking exact ten minutes to get there. Marco had thought they would be okay with punctuality if it took them that amount of minutes to get there. Bad thing they didn't arrive on time according to Instructor Shadis.

"You two, pieces of trash, tell me your names." They heard him speak from behind their backs, just when they thought they had made it.

Marco looked at four people on their first try with the 3D Maneuver Gear, one of them being Jean. The man seemed to be progressing quickly on what he was doing. He seemed to do it proficiently.

"Springer, sir." The short boy replied loudly, saluting correctly for the first time. At the moment of his introduction in front of the Squad he had forgotten which hand he had to put on his chest and Shadis had almost killed him because of that. He just wasn't cut out to be a follower of the protocol crap.  
"Thirty around the area, Springer!"  
"Yes, sir." Connie yelled back as he started trotting. After running all those laps, he would still have to practice with his equipment.  
"Bodt, sir." Marco stood straight, staring into the Instructor's eyes.  
"Man up, Bodt. Thirty."

After another salute, Marco started trotting as he watched Eren fail by turning upside down over, and over again. Jean had already made it out of there with honors, which were given to him by his comrades.  
Marco just couldn't believe how talented Jean actually was, now that he clearly saw how capable he was of doing things right. He wasn't just showing off by being unwelcomely cocky with everyone because there was something in him after all. Anyway, in spite of the fact that he was a troublemaker, Marco still had to admit that Jean was somehow nice to him in every short morning encounter. He wasn't that bad.

Once Connie and him were ready with running thirty laps, they walked towards the 3DMG training place. Almost everyone had left, except for Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Reiner and Jean, all of these remaining completely silent as Eren tried his best to keep balance while being lifted. Marco didn't know why Jean was there because he had done greatly the six times he saw him in action while he ran next to Connie.  
"Springer, Bodt. What are you waiting for?" Instructor Shadis shouted as they immediately ran to get their equipment and then get attached to two chains in order to be lifted from the ground. Marco raised his gaze from his feet to look up and found Jean staring at him, amused by the lack of faith he had on him. Marco groaned in response, he didn't really care about socializing with childish people. He wouldn't humiliate himself, he wasn't planning to.  
It took Marco around five minutes to get stability in the air, and he was welcomed by a warm smile when he opened his eyes. Jean recognised his success, and so did Shadis. That was enough for him.

Finally, as days passed by, he completed the task and approved the 3DMG subject, he survived another of Jean and Eren's hellish fights in the dining room, and kept saying goodnight to be greeted by a pair of limbs coming from above as a sleepy voice wished him a good morning. It wasn't like being at home at all, but he had a kind morning friend on his side even though they only shared six words every day.

* * *

It was Jean who initiated their first real conversation. Not that the others weren’t, but this meant so much more than polite greetings.  
Connie had already gone to sleep when he decided to talk to Marco. He discovered it was just dumb to ignore the person he almost slept with every night.  
"Would you mind if I talk to you?"

Marco was taken aback by this question. Jean wasn't the kind of person that would ask for permission to talk, but, in Jean's eyes, talking to Marco seemed to be a tough life mission. It was just that the guy seemed so calm and he was only capable of talking to noisy people which he usually didn't agree with. _I only talk to shove my great opinions up their asses_ , he thought later.  
"No, I wouldn't mind at all." Marco responded after spending some minutes immerse in silence. "I am going to go up there. I don't think it would be comfortable to talk to each other this way."  
"That's alright." Jean smiled as he saw Marco appear when he stood up. "Hey, mate. I am glad I'm not that tall or I wouldn't be able to sleep at all."  
"John, was it?" Marco asked with a serious face and a playful look in his eyes. He got the reaction he had been longing to see.  
"Jean. Jean Kirschstein." It was clear that Jean's amusement was already gone. He was short-tempered after all, wasn't he?

Jean's head was covered in short, blonde hair, some of it shaved near his ears and nape. Marco had thought many times before about how good it looked on him.  
According to Eren and Co., he had a horse face and an awful personality. Marco could only support the second idea, since he knew Jean was quite handsome himself, and horses were definitely not.

"I know." Marco whispered as he giggled and sat next to him. "Marco. Marco Bodt. Like 'robot'."  
"Boo. You stole a joke."

Marco, on the other hand, had short brunette hair and also had it shaved in that area of his head. He felt very comfortable with his hair style although some people didn't accept how he looked. Some hairs covered both sides of his forehead, and his cheeks were full of freckles, which probably were his most attractive feature, as some girls had told him when he was younger. He was very calm and nice to anyone he spoke to; he didn't like assholes, so he tried to not be that way and preferred politeness.  
They were two sides of the same coin, and they behaved as such since that day. Their bond strengthened every night and soon it became an everyday thing. Once, Jean asked Marco for the tenth time to tell him the truth behind joining the Military Police, and Marco answered that question by giving him the reason to consider that option, and that was the first time they had a disagreement but, surprisingly so, it didn't go like Marco was expecting. It could have been much worse.

"You are very smart, Marco." Jean said, sitting closer to his acquaintance now that they felt much more at ease than before. "I may not agree with supporting a specific power, but your reasons are not something that would be thought from one day to another."  
"Like you, for example." Marco sighed. "I still can't get it."  
"What?"  
"You are risking your life as a soldier to only have a better life inside Sina, escaping from the titans and, most importantly, reality."  
"Escaping is also an image from what reality can be, Marco. Don't you think surviving is just another simple way of escaping?" Jean beamed as Marco stared into nothingness.  
"You are a great friend, Jean." Marco smiled back, some of his freckles showing for Jean as a stream of moonlight fell on his face.  
"You've got good friend material yourself, Bodt." Jean replied to his friend's announcement, his happiness showing through shiny honey eyes.  
"Night, Jean." Marco said as he messed Jean's hair with one of his hands. After this, he took the two sides of their ladder and went to bed.

Jean smiled and closed his eyes. "Night, Marco." He whispered before falling asleep.  
That was the night Jean Kirschstein and Marco Bodt became each other's best friends.

* * *

It was the first time Marco stopped Jean before getting into a fight. After spending most afternoons next to Jean, Marco had somehow reverted part of the conflicting spirit that came out of him sometimes. His friend was much more rational after one of the fights he had with Eren in the dining room, where he beat Jean by using martial arts and telling him that it was no time for him to keep being a child.

“Who does he think he is?” Jean had asked Marco while touching his own head. He landed on the ground and hit it after Eren defeated him.  
“He is right, though.” Marco replied as he firmly pressed his shoulder to Jean’s. They were outside the Squad’s dorm, sitting on the floor right next to the entrance.  
“Hey, when did you start being against me?”  
“I have _always_ been against you when you are dumb, Jean.” Marco laughed, caressing his friend’s head. “It is because of your attitude that you gain black eyes, or headaches.”  
“I won’t let him step on my head to become the leader of this group.”  
“Jean, don’t be a dick, nobody here is capable of being a leader at the moment. We could barely stand on our feet if we saw a titan in this precise minute.” Marco whispered as he put his hand away from Jean. “Also, if you want to become a good leader, start making good decisions and grow up.”

Jean had honestly expected Marco to listen to him complaining about Eren, so he felt very offended when Freckles left him alone. Marco was always there to listen to him when he felt like talking about anything, and always showed a great disposition to do so. Maybe he was being an asshole after all.  
It was too late to apologize to Marco, anyway. When he walked towards their beds, almost an hour after he had left him outside, he felt Connie judge him with all he’d got as he got closer to them. He started to feel guilty about himself when he saw Marco sleeping and no hint of any goodnight wishes. _Whatever, nobody needs your “Night, Jean”s_.

Next thing he did was to step on the ladder and get into bed. He wouldn’t have anyone to talk to that night, either.

Before Jean's arrival, Marco took his time to fall asleep. He didn’t think it would be good for Jean to have someone hearing his rants on how he was better than anyone around him, it didn’t feel like Jean would learn anything from this experience, and he had already noticed how much there was for his friend to develop. It was basic critical thinking, and Jean lacked anything related to it.  
They would have plenty of time to talk in the morning, Marco decided. It was their day off and it would be a great idea for Jean to dedicate it to himself through activities that did not include fighting with Eren or trying to prove everyone wrong.

“I can’t believe how patient you’ve been with Kirschstein.” Connie had told him before he decided to sleep. “I thought you didn’t like people like him?”  
“I believe you can change them, Connie. At least that’s what I’ve learned from Jean.” Marco smiled with his eyes completely closed, hugging his pillow. “Everyone has opportunities to change, and I would very much like him to accept his before it's too late."  
“You are a nice guy, Marco.”  
“I only do what I think is best for my friends.”

The next day, Jean woke up later than everyone else and hurried so he could grab some food. As he stepped into the dining room, he discovered that was no time to have breakfast. He sat on his usual seat as he saw Frank and Hannah leave. Great, he would spend his time on his own, not even having eaten anything. But what hurt the most was to feel lonely, he didn’t care that much about not eating. He would have to wait until later. Anyway, if Marco had been there with him, he wouldn't be feeling so alone. He needed to make new friends.  
After leaving the dining room, Jean found one of his comrades staring at him near the dorms. It was Sasha, also known as Potato Girl. After the potato-eating incident, he had talked to her twice. She didn't seem to be very clever from what he saw.

"Hi, Jean." God, no. He didn't want to make friends now. "Why are you so alone? It's so weird to see you without Marco." _No._  
"At least I'm not creeping everyone around, asking them to give me food."  
"True." Sasha laughed as she blushed. "Do you have any plans for today? You could come with Connie and me! We are planning to practice with the 3DMG around the forest, and we think you would be of great help."

Jean stared at her, and smiled after considering her offer. He liked to be praised for his abilities, he really did.  
"That sounds like a good idea." He replied as he started walking towards the forest with his new acquaintance. Marco was right, he was no one to ignore the rest of his companions.

When Sasha and Jean gathered with Connie, he was surprised to see almost the entire squad there, an event which made him feel very happy about the people he was working with. Even though he fought for very different reasons compared to others’, it was always pleasant to see them eager to improve. The next thing he did was to check his equipment and tell Sasha and Connie to start as soon as possible. He was somehow feeling differently around them, he noticed as they flew and avoided the trees around them.

Marco smiled, seeing them from afar. He was sitting next to Armin, one of Eren’s friends. He was a nice guy, and a very intelligent one.  
“Hey, Marco, how is it that you are not with Jean?” Armin suddenly asked, turning to face the taller boy.  
“Ah, I am just leaving him to realize some things for a while, you know.”  
“Is that another way of saying that you are mad at him?” Armin mocked him, staring at where Eren and Mikasa were.  
“Kind of, yes.” Marco said, his answer being followed by a giggle. “I know he will stop being a pain in the ass soon.”  
“He seems to be very stubborn and arrogant, from what I can see.” Marco nodded. “He has a lot in common with Eren, even though Eren has already stopped being like that and seems more open to people’s ideas and suggestions. Their dreams are different, but they have this very explosive personality that makes them think they are the kings of this world.”  
“I believe Jean will change when he notices that.” Marco talked back, sort of calm by the way Armin commented on this problem.  
“I don’t think I can do much, but you and Jean look amazing together, so don’t try to leave him.” Armin said softly, smiling at him. “You can change him with little but essential things, like being there for him.”

Marco sighed happily.

* * *

“Hey, Marco.”

Jean sounded excited from what Marco had just heard. He took his glasses off and left one of his books next to his pillow.

Marco was a good reader. He started reading at the age of four when his parents gave him his first books for his birthday. His mother considered reading a very important activity for Marco to grow as a nice child, and believed that the words that every book contained were elementary for personal growth. On the other hand, his father didn’t care that much about that subject. He preferred to be spontaneous and to learn from what life had to offer.  
That’s why Marco read stories that involved remarkable adventures of big heroes and loyal companions. He thought that by reading stories with characters that experimented real life events he could apply both his mother and father’s beliefs, and it had worked very well so far.

“Yes?”  
“Please don’t tell me you are still angry with me.”

He watched Jean’s face as it changed from showing happiness to looking terrible.  
“I am not.” Marco shrugged it off and told Jean to sit on his bed. Jean nodded seriously as he sat and crossed his legs.  
“I came to tell you that I spent the day with Connie and Sasha.” Marco smiled to encourage him to keep talking. It was kind of amusing to see how his friend was trying to choose his words carefully. “They were pretty decent, actually. They treated me as if I were one of them and all that.”  
“You are one of them, Jean. You are one of us.”  
“Sorry. I just wanted you to know that now I feel very connected to the rest of the squad, you know?” Jean sighed, placing a hand on Marco’s knee. “I even talked to Eren’s group today. It was so funny to see Mikasa staring at me as if I was going to eat his boyfriend at any minute.”  
“I’m glad you had fun, Jean.” Marco replied, opening his book again. “Mikasa and Eren are siblings, by the way.”  
“You could have told me earlier, Bodt!” Jean laughed as he scratched the nape of his neck.  
“Do you have any plans to make her look at you differently?”  
“Nah, man. I’m pretty much over her.”

After eight months of trying to call the girl’s attention, Jean was finally getting out of there. Marco personally thought that no one could get her to think about anyone but Eren. He was happy to know that his friend would not waste time on suffering.

“Really?”  
“What’s so surprising about it?”  
“Nothing. You just seemed very determined to get her to return your feelings.”  
“Look.” He heard Jean say as he shook his leg lightly. “I think I’m fine with having you around. Best friends before chicks.”  
“Best friends before chicks.” Marco repeated, bumping fists with his interlocutor.

* * *

Jean didn’t usually celebrate his birthday. The closest he had been to experiencing its celebration was the cake his mother always baked for him. He wasn’t expecting to spend any birthday time outside his home and without his family.  
 _It won’t be very different from last year_ , he thought. He honestly hoped for his mother to be alright, and for them to reunite soon. He didn’t see it coming when Daz, one of his latest friends, ran towards him with a small envelope.  
“It’s for you, Kirschstein!” He heard him say as he received the letter.  
“Thanks, Daz.”

“Oh, Jean. What is it?” Marco asked, staring at him from the bed below.  
“It’s nothing.” Jean replied before opening his gift. He never thought his mother would send him a letter for his birthday. She didn’t send anything last year, so…  
His birthday had been a well-kept secret until that day. There was no way Marco would not notice.

“Is it your birthday?” Marco gasped as he stood up from his bed, a little bit surprised by this event. He didn’t know of anyone who would send anything to Jean, he seemed to be a lonely man.  
“No.”  
“Well, it was weird for us to have never had the opportunity of wishing you a happy birthday.”  
“I didn’t want to tell anyone.”  
“So it _is_ your birthday!” Marco jumped on his place. “Jean, that’s amazing. Happy-”  
“No need to be so happy about it, Marco. It’s just another day.”  
“That’s not fair, you _did_ know mine after all.”  
“And we’ve celebrated yours, so what?” Jean put a hand on his friend’s mouth. “I only celebrate mine at home.”  
“Is that your mom?” Marco smiled, climbing the ladder quickly to sit next to him. “You can read it. I won’t be watching, I just want to be here with you.”

Jean nodded and stared at the messy handwriting on top of the envelope. Yes, it was from Mom.

Marco was a liar. He acted as if he was waiting for Jean to finish reading, but the only thing he did all the while was to watch him as he took in every word from the message. Soon Jean’s face lit up with a foreign emotion to the previous ones he had experimented in front of Marco, the honey in his eyes shining brightly as his cheeks turned pink. His happiness became contagious after a while.

“I owe you two gifts, then.” Marco said later, right after Jean hid the letter under his pillow.  
“Your silence about this topic would count as one of them.”  
“Right, then. Do you have anything in mind for the second one? I could help with your equipment’s maintenance, if you want.”  
“I’ll think about it.” Jean smiled. “Now let’s go, our lesson starts soon and I wouldn’t want to miss it. And if we do, you already know we have to waste our time running or helping the cooks during the training.”

It was funny for Marco to interact with people that day. Jean never stopped staring at him when he saw him with the rest of their comrades. He was a paranoid.

“Hey, are you and Jean alright?” Armin asked him, amused by the way Jean kept looking at Marco as if he were about to lose something important if he didn’t have his eyes glued to his friend.  
“Yeah, dude. He looks like he’s shitting his pants.” Reiner laughed as he stood near them.  
“He’s being very weird today.” Marco answered. “I suppose I will know more about it later. Let’s get back to work.”

At the end of the day, when the sun started hiding itself to let the moon replace it and the sky turned to orange, showing its last colors before night fell, both boys gathered outside the dining room.  
“I didn’t tell anyone, just in case you were wondering.” Marco said as he felt a familiar arm go around his waist, one of Jean’s hands lying on his side. “You overreacted a lot, my friend.”  
“Thank you. You are amazing.” Jean replied, smiling proudly. “I had a great birthday, by the way.”  
“I’m glad you did.”  
“And I already know what I want as my second birthday present.”  
“What is it?” Marco asked, excited to know what Jean was thinking about.

Jean prepared himself to do it. He had a serious face on, his eyes being lit by the pyre located next to them. He took a moment to breathe deeply, and then left a peck on Marco’s cheek. After kissing him, he put his arm away from Marco and remained silent as he watched Marco blush.

“Thanks, Marco.” He said as he waited for his friend to look at him.

Some minutes passed before Marco found the correct words to speak. “So you wanted to kiss me on the cheek for your birthday?” He giggled nervously.  
“I would’ve kissed you properly, believe me.” Jean admitted as he felt his courage vanish with the air that filled his lungs. “But I didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable.”  
“That’s just fine, Jean.” He heard Marco say immediately. “It’s great to know how valuable you actually make me feel by just saying things like that.”

* * *

They loved each other dearly, strongly and in not so different ways.

After Jean’s birthday, little things changed between them. They never got together because they knew that they didn’t need a title for what they had and felt for each other.  
Every time they were together, and even when being apart, Jean swore that if one could have the chance to die from loving too much, he would’ve done so a while ago. He always believed that Marco would lead him to his destiny by being by his side and being loved by him eternally and unconditionally. He felt proud of who he was; it was because of his best friend that he changed for good, and that he was so lucky to be his partner and soulmate. His feelings towards Marco Bodt were similar to tiny heart attacks and a series of explosions inside his belly from what he perceived. He was sure that loving Marco was something he was destined to live, and that he would hopefully never stop doing.

He had discussed it with his mother one time he went back home to visit and thank her for the birthday letter he had received.

“Hey, mom.” He said out of nowhere as a picture of Marco flashed into his mind. “I suppose I have to tell you something about my military life.”  
“Is it bad?” She replied, scared of his son having to face death any soon. “I don’t want to lose you, Jean-bo. Please don’t tell me you are joining the Survey Corps. I don’t want to lose my sunshine.”  
“No, you old witch, calm down.” He laughed nervously. “Of course not, I’m not leaving my dream.”  
“What is it, then?” _God, he’s no longer the kid he used to be_ , she thought as she wiped some tears that had fallen from her eyes out of desperation.  
“I-uh. I found my own sunshine, mom.” He hesitated as he said this as carefully as he could. Spending time with Marco had turned him into a mess, he couldn’t say what he thought right away, and he wouldn’t do so now that he didn’t know how his family would receive the news.  
“Oh.” She smiled widely, showing excitement through a high-pitched voice. “My boy is a grown up now, isn’t he? Oh, love, tell me everything about it!”

He took a moment to think about what he was thinking to say. _Oh, man, screw overthinking_.

“It’s a boy, mom.”  
“I thought you liked girls, Jean.”  
“So did I, mother.”

They remained silent for a while, Jean’s mother staring at her hands as her son waited impatiently for her to show anything.

“Well, then tell me about him.”  
“Are you sure?” He asked as a smile replaced the thin line that both of his lips formed when he waited for her to react the worst way possible.  
He watched her nod, and took it as a sign to start talking about the guy that had driven him crazy during his stay at the Trainee Corps.

After spending the whole afternoon telling her about how great Marco was, he put on his jacket and let her accompany him on his way to the exit.

“I promise I will come to see you, mom.” He sighed, standing in front of her and feeling somehow different after telling her. He felt complete.  
“I didn’t think it was possible for you to like a boy so much.” She said, putting her hands on Jean’s shoulders. “But I guess it is true that you love this Marco boy after all.”  
“Never doubted it, mom.”  
“Please, promise yourself you will achieve the life you’re fighting for, sweetheart.” She whispered dreamily. “Now you have one more life to take care of.”

Jean embraced the idea of loving Marco deeply. It was the first time he would not think only about himself, and he planned to do it right.

In contrast to how Jean felt towards Marco, Marco was very thoughtful at the moment of even existing around Jean.

He often thought about how strongly he felt things that were related to his lover, but he never questioned the fact of loving Jean being right. He knew it was just as fine as breathing, and considered that their bond was something special that he would never be able to share with anyone else but Jean Kirschstein. God, he even thought about the remote possibility of carrying his last name. Marco Kirschstein. It surely was something he would never reveal to Jean. _Let’s stick to my dad’s, I’m more than happy with that._

Although Marco’s gentle attitude and cute looks had previously worked on winning some girls’ hearts, he had some experience when it came to liking and falling for boys. He even had a boyfriend back at his hometown, and his mother was well aware of his sexual orientation. She always supported and encouraged him to have a good love life.  
Him being part of the Trainee Corps didn’t stop them from sharing their lives through written pages, and Marco’s mother sent him a letter once every two months.

His feelings towards Jean had developed short before he had been kissed by his best friend. Jean was a stubborn person, and thought to do things his way a lot, so he knew what it meant for him to kiss him out of the blue and with a lame excuse. He thought about him, so he really considered the idea of kissing him before doing anything, and he never did things like this.  
It wasn’t hard for him to completely return his feelings, devoting himself to their relationship right away. He was certain that, opposed to Jean, he felt extremely calm when he was near him, and it was as if nothing else mattered. He lost track of time and space when he spent his days beside him.  
He had noticed they complemented one another when they analyzed their personalities, and since then he couldn’t feel better to have Jean in his life. He thought that they really belonged to one another.  
After thinking about their relationship and all that it meant, Marco sent a letter to his mother informing her how glad he was to tell her that he had finally found his soul mate. Later, as a response to said letter, he received the messy handwriting that his mom owned when she wrote excitedly about things as she told him how happy she was for him, and that she would wait to meet this Jean guy when they finally joined the Military Police.

“Fuck.” Jean muttered. “To think that we were about to choose the institution we were joining.”

Marco and Jean stood still as they were surrounded by soldiers crying and running around. It had been reported from Wall Rose that the Colossal Titan had appeared and destroyed the front door.  
He stumbled forward with a dumbstruck expression, stepping in front of Eren and crashing onto him. He stared at him furiously as he thought how life could’ve been if he had gotten into the Military Police by then, if they had already made it into the protection that Wall Sina could’ve given to them.  
He felt Jaeger lift him from the ground as he shouted what seemed to be nonsense to him and stared into his eyes. Jean looked towards Marco, who had been looking at him as if he were capable of controlling Jean’s angst.  
“You’ll survive today and get into the Military Police tomorrow.” He heard his oh-so-hated comrade say, and he was moved by a wave of shame inside his soul. He hit Eren’s hands and walked away, calling for Daz to stop sobbing and being pathetic.

Marco followed him immediately and stopped him on his tracks as they left Mikasa and Eren on their own.

“Jean, we won’t die here.”  
“Of course. We can’t die here.” Jean answered whispering, his voice cracking from feeling so trapped into such overwhelming situation. “I can’t wait to have a life with you inside Sina.” He sighed, holding his hand to his heart. “I love you, Marco.”  
“So do I, Jean.” Marco replied, caging Jean into a tight hug. “So do I.”

* * *

The front guard groups were defeated by the titans as they entered Trost and walked their way through the streets, killing anyone they found around. The rearguard had been fighting titans together with the vanguard, yet there was the announcement through the bell sound for any soldiers out there to retreat. Their mission was to climb the walls in order to be safe, but the supply team had also retreated from their work and were hiding from the titans that invaded their territory. The soldiers trapped in Trost couldn’t move anymore because there wasn’t enough gas for them to make the 3D Maneuver Gear work for long periods of time.

Jean was sitting on the roof of a house with some of his fellow trainees, and Connie was accompanying him. He was pissed, he knew the people from the supply team had left them alone, there was nothing they could do to survive. He had lost hope in everything when he heard Connie talk for the first time about the issue going on there, and got surprised to know that he was really thinking about it. Did Connie really think they could actually do something about what they were currently living? He didn’t think so. They were all newbies, it was like committing suicide.  
Jean was giving up very easily compared to what he would’ve liked to believe. He was accepting death as if he were living his last minutes. Well, at least that’s what he thought his situation was. They were all doomed.

“Come on, everyone.” He heard Sasha exclaim, trying to cheer up the rest in order to get them out of there somehow. Jean and Connie looked at her and shook their heads, looking at everyone around them. Nobody was in condition to accept any more sacrifices. “I’ll take the lead, we can do this together.”  
Sasha ran towards Armin, trying to get any word out of him without succeeding. The poor boy was completely shocked after losing his whole team.  
No one replied. They were wasting their time and lives for nothing.

Marco stared at the view that Trost offered as he stood next to three of his comrades. It was simply desolating. There hadn’t been any time for him to think about what he got into, it had been all about killing titans and surviving the whole time they needed to be active, but now that they were there without any supplies and basically waiting for death to come naturally, he took a moment to wonder about how they could actually get out of there, and he even forgot what he planned to fight for as a soldier. He was lost and terrified. It seemed nobody could ever get out of there alive.  
He was suddenly brought down to earth. No matter how many words Jean and Connie had to waste on convincing him that fighting for the kingdom would do nothing for him, he learned in that moment that not even the King could possibly get him out of there. He wouldn’t even try to, he preferred being safe from risking his life for a child that had planned to fight for what he did. Marco was disappointed.

“So, Marco.” He heard Mikasa say completely determined. She sounded differently. “If we eliminate the titans from the headquarters, we can refuel and climb the walls, right?”  
“Yeah, that’s right.” He hesitated before answering, staring at Ackerman’s back as anyone around them was watching them interact. “I don’t think you would be able to do it on your own, though.”  
“I can.” She shut him up, firmly. Her gaze didn’t express any emotion; she seemed to have turned into a very cold and insensitive person after knowing that Eren was dead.

After Mikasa told them they were useless pigs laying down on their places of misery, and that she would do everything on her own because she didn’t need cowards like them, Jean stood on his feet next Connie. Was that supposed to be a speech? She certainly didn’t have Eren’s ability to stimulate people through words. Damn Eren, he hated to admit this, but he was sure that they would be feeling differently with Eren alive.  
Did Mikasa really think she would be able to defeat the titans by herself?

“Hey, were we really trained to leave our comrades fight alone?” Jean yelled at the rest of people standing on the roofs around his. “Do you really want to become cowards?”

He recovered from whatever he had been feeling with Mikasa’s shitty speech and started following her, running with the pair of swords on his hands and Connie by his side. “Follow Mikasa!” He yelled at him as they used the little amount of gas they had left.  
Jean was surprised for the first time to see that the rest of the people had followed them after what he said. At least they were standing on their feet again.

He was shortly being followed by Armin and some others when he saw Mikasa lose the rest of the gas she had left. He stared at Connie, who seemed to have a different disposition by then.

“Jean, you take over. I’m helping Mikasa and Armin.” He heard him scream before leaving him alone with the rest of the trainees.  
“I can go, too!”  
“No, Jean, we need your skills to beat them!”

Jean Kirschstein would be the leader for the first time in his life. He was so not prepared for that huge step in his life, not when we led the lives of his comrades. He closed his eyes as he continued going towards HQ, stopping on a roof as he stared at the building that was now covered in titans trying to attack the people inside.  
He remembered Marco as he watched one of the soldiers being taken by a titan. _Leadership comes with good decisions and personal growth_. He yelled at the soldier’s team members when they ran to save him from being eaten, but it was too late; other titans had them trapped in their hands.  
Jean watched them as they died, shaking fearfully. He didn’t know what to do, this plan had to be executed, but it seemed like there were sacrifices needed for it to be successful. Was he really meant to become the leader of the group? Could he bear with the responsibilities that came after taking such a risk? He didn’t know.  
 _No_ , he thought, _I’m wrong. This is the time to keep on moving._

“Now. We run into HQ right now, full speed!” He yelled at the rest of his comrades and started running immediately. He had no more time to think, his soldiers’ deaths had been a holy opening for them to get there sooner. He apologized as he kept running, leaving the cruel scene now behind them. Applying sentiment would be considered a fatal flaw in any plans.

Soon after he used the 3DMG for the last time, avoiding titans as much as he could. Two soldiers had been stopped by some of them, and one titan had taken him by the leg, but he had luckily cut the titan's fingers in time so he could keep running on top of the roofs. Marco followed him from behind, and soon jumped next to him. He seemed happy.  
“Jean!” Marco said, staring at him as they ran. “Thank you. Thanks to you we made it out safely.”  
Jean looked back at Marco, suddenly getting lost on the words he was pronouncing. Marco believed he was doing it right. He felt a rush of happiness take over him, but he tried to hide it.  
“It’s thanks to you!” He heard Marco repeat with a bigger smile on his face. “I told you you’re cut out for leadership!”  
Jean smiled, beaten by the kindness Marco put into every word he said.  
“I don’t know about that!” He exclaimed back at him, now looking at the front. If Marco thought he was doing it just fine, there was no time to waste, and no leadership abilities to be thrown away. He would do his best.

* * *

In the middle of the now content environment that the soldiers created out of happiness, Jean and Marco sat alone while they filled the containers of the 3DMG display with enough gas to complete their mission and climb up the walls. After getting into HQ with Mikasa and Armin's help (Jean was certain that Connie hadn't done anything at all) and the blonde boy's magnificent plan to take down the titans inside the building, they had finally recovered the place from their enemies. He heard the three of them talking about this special titan that fought the ones of his kind, and, honestly speaking, Jean didn't really get a word they said. How could a titan be an ally? This wasn't a fairy tale to begin with.  
He felt like absolute crap. If Mikasa hadn't arrived with that weird ton of skin kicking the others' asses, he would've been dead by now. He didn't do anything at all in the end.  
He looked at Marco from the corner of his eye; he was way too ashamed to face him. "I don’t think I’m cut out to be a leader... Don't ever say that again."

Marco took a moment to say something, and Jean tried to ignore him.  
“I hope you don’t get mad when I say this, but you aren’t a strong person, so you can relate to how the weak feel.” To how I feel. “In addition, you excel in sizing up any situation.”  
Jean stared at him, seriously questioning what Marco was getting at. He himself didn’t think that way; he honestly thought that he acted spontaneously, and that it was because of it that his comrades had died. He was responsible for their deaths.  
“You gave the right orders.” He heard his friend continue as he gave him one of those comforting and sincere smiles. “That’s why I could run, and that’s why I’m alive.”

Jean looked at him amazed.  
He gave the right orders  
And that is why Marco  
And so many other trainees  
Were alive.

He had finally done something right.

* * *

Jean sat quietly as he isolated himself from the rest of the squad. He wasn’t good at keeping secrets, but if he didn’t save this one from the rest, he wouldn’t be doing things right as the great soldier he was and would probably be in trouble later. He had already told Krista and Ymir that they wouldn’t open their mouths to talk about it.

“Hey, Jean.” He heard Marco’s soft voice address to him and watched around him to see Annie, Bertholdt and Reiner staring back at him far away from where he was. No, he wouldn’t reveal anything. “Are you alright?”  
“I won’t say anything.” He pressured himself to say. It was Marco, he told him everything, so it was very difficult to keep anything away from him now.  
“I asked if you were alright, Jean. I understand there are orders you have to follow.” Marco answered annoyed. “So?”  
“Sorry.” Jean replied, sighing comfortably. “I just need to wait for anyone to tell us to do something because I can’t calm down if I am like this.”

Marco knew they weren’t used to showing anything about them to the rest, yet there he was, grabbing Jean’s hand firmly as to reassure him that he needed to be calm. Jean looked at him when he felt it, and opened his eyes widely. He immediately looked around and no one was observing them anymore. He relaxed and entwined his fingers with Marco’s.

“Mother wants to meet you, Kirschstein, so don’t die.”  
“Wait, you told her about me?”  
“Of course I did, silly.” Marco whispered happily. “She really is looking forward to meeting you.”  
“I told my mom, too.” Jean admitted, using his other hand to scratch the back of his head. “One of those days I went to visit her.”  
“Was she mad at you?” Marco asked as he looked into Jean’s eyes. He seemed a little bit relaxed, somehow. “You didn’t fight with her, did you? Because I will feel very guilty if you did and-”  
“No, she was happy.” Jean cut him off, smiling back. “She was surprised and all that, but she was happy. She told me I had to take care of you.”  
“Then let’s meet each other’s mothers after we finish with this.”  
“Deal.” Jean nodded and felt Marco let go of his hand when both of them heard Daz crying next to Sasha. He was screaming nonsense again, so Marco decided it would be fine if he stopped him from making the situation any worse than how it already was.

Before leaving, Marco kissed Jean’s cheek. It was the first time Marco made a move in their relationship; it had always been Jean who approached him with romantic intentions. They never kissed for real after Jean’s birthday, they occasionally held hands, and told they loved each other twice. They didn’t need more than that, anyway.  
They would have time for romance later.

They had so much to live for.

* * *

Jaeger was a titan. _The_ Titan. And he was going to help them recover Trost.  
Unbelievable.

Commander Pixis’ plan was to use him to lift the boulder that would seal the hole on the district’s entrance, and the soldiers’ role would basically consist of protecting Eren’s titan with their lives if they needed to do so.

The order for Jean’s squad was clear. Their mission was to attract the titans to Wall Rose without slaying them. They had to keep them away from Eren’s area.  
Connie was almost caught by one of them, but Jean attacked one of the titan’s hands as a distraction and let Connie leave him with it. He would save anyone from his squad, he didn’t want more people to die because of what he decided to do.  
It was such a bad thing for him to discover that his 3DMG equipment was damaged. He ran along the streets avoiding the titan that followed him as Connie and Annie climbed up the wall and watched him from there. Connie was getting desperate, but if he did something to try to save Jean, they would probably end up as titan food. He was sure that Jean would find the way to his safety, he didn’t want to bother him.  
After finding a place to hide, Jean watched from the window a corpse that owned the equipment that he needed. He would wait until the titan left to get it, and then he would go to the top of the wall. Easy.

When he saw it leave as he had planned, Jean came out running and knelt next to the dead soldier’s body. His hands were shaking, and he was panicking inside. He needed to get that out as soon as he could; he could get killed at any minute if he was out there completely defenseless.  
He didn’t notice the titan coming from behind, though. He was way too concentrated getting his new equipment and it was when he heard someone yell at him that he turned around.

 _Shit, no_.

“Jean, calm down!” Marco said as he approached him, avoiding the titan. Of all people, it had been Marco the one who decided to go and help him. Saying that he was pissed off would be an understatement.  
“Marco, what are you doing?!”

Jean watched him go as Marco distracted the titan. There was no time for them to talk, it was time to take action.

He pulled the 3D Maneuver Gear out of the body and put it on, hurrying to get out of there and climb up the wall. He thanked God that Connie was there to save him from one of the titans on their way back to Wall Rose.  
“You’re insane!” He yelled at his teammates once they were safe.  
“You are the crazy one!” Marco answered angrily.  
“I can’t believe I survived that.” Connie commented as he sat on his spot.

Jean and Marco looked at each other as they waited there for another mission for their team. Marco was angry, and so was Jean. Marco thought the other boy put his life at risk for something meaningless while Jean thought it had been stupid from Marco to even consider the possibility of saving him.  
He _did_ save him, though.

“I’m sorry.” Jean said, resting his arm on Marco’s waist like he used to do.  
“This won’t be a mutual thing, you know?” Marco answered as he stared at the hole on Trost’s entrance. “I would do it a thousand times if I needed to.”  
“That’s irresponsible of you to say.”  
“I can only accept that comment if you told me right now that you wouldn’t do the same for me.”  
Marco never got mad, but when he did, Jean didn’t feel very capable of controlling him. Anyway, Marco was right, he would’ve acted the same way.  
“You’re right.”  
“Then take real care of yourself, or I will be there again.” Marco whispered angrily as he turned to look at him.

Jean watched him with a big smile on his face, and soon Marco felt Jean’s lips on his.  
Jean loved it when Marco worried about him. He loved his entire expression when he got mad at him for something, he loved the way Marco would protect him a million times, and he loved the fact that Marco would act the same way as he would do if he were in danger ever again. He loved Marco Bodt so much.  
“That won’t change anything, Jean.” Marco laughed, pushing him away lightly. “And this isn’t the right time.”  
“At least I tried.” Jean shrugged his shoulders, sighing happily. “I would’ve never forgiven myself for not kissing you.”

Later on, once Annie and Connie returned from gathering with other soldiers around them, the team watched the Rogue Titan stand with the boulder on its hands. It was the signal.  
“Right, then. Let’s protect him.” Jean yelled as they jumped on the roofs of the houses in Trost, and flew around fighting any titans getting near Eren. They would defend him at all costs.

* * *

It had been a successful operation. Eren got the boulder stuck to the hole on the wall, and the Survey Corps killed the few titans that were left in the city.

The next day, early in the morning they had woken up for body recognition, and all the soldiers returned to Trost to help. Jean walked on the streets searching for any comrades to see, but he never expected to see a man lying on the ground with half of his body eaten by one of those filthy things, his eyes now filled with emptiness as his mouth was completely disfigured. A lifeless Marco Bodt appeared in front of his lover.

“Is that you, Marco?” He whispered as he stared at the dead body, entering into a shock. “I did not see him around. This couldn’t have happened to him...”  
"Do you know him?" A member from the recognition squad asked him as she walked towards him.

_Oh, Marco, when did you get lost in this? We won. Eren covered the hole, I... I couldn't save you, and now you are dead and I didn't even notice-_

"Marco, what happened to you?" He whispered as he breathed slowly. "Did-Did anyone see how he died?" He wasn't listening to what she said at all. He started walking away, calling for someone he wasn't going to find.  
Nobody saw Marco die. Marco died completely alone. No one fought for Marco's life. Not even him.  
"I need a name, trainee." The woman said waiting for Jean to give her something in exchange for her patience. "There is no time for mourning your friend yet." The woman spoke again and Jean turned around, completely lost by the sight of his sunshine that was now extinct. "Do you understand me?"

_Jinae City_

“104th Trainee Corps.”

_Wall Rose South District._

“Captain of Squad 19.”

Jean took a moment as he remembered Marco’s presentation on their first day of military life, still wondering when and why this had happened to him. “Marco Bodt.”

His heart was swallowed by a horrible monster called Despair.

* * *

Jean cried desperately in his mother’s arms. He had burnt his comrades’ corpses and decided that he would be joining the Survey Corps the night before. He had taken some pieces of bone as if they belonged to Marco, and had made a promise to himself: the promise that Marco’s death would not be in vain.  
He had told her that he joined the Survey Corps, and talked about what happened to Marco. She was so happy to see him, and so was his father, but he honestly wasn’t planning on faking any feelings with them anymore.  
He cried without caring about how loud he did so, and remembered Marco the whole time; all the things they had done together, how important he was in his life, what it meant for him to start a life with him, and the place where all these dreams were finished off.

After he finished with the body recognition, he decided to go to Jinae. It would have been cruel from them to never tell her. He wandered around asking where the Bodt’s home was located at, until he was given the right directions.  
He cleared his throat and knocked three times on the door as he stood in front of it. The other half of his heart was burned by the face that stared at him as the door opened.

“Good morning, Ma’am.” He said in a low voice, swallowing everything that he felt inside of him. “I am Jean Kirschstein from the 104th Trainee Corps.”  
“You’re… Jean?” Marco’s mother asked while something lit up in her brown eyes.  
“That’s right, Ma’am.” He had never forgotten what Marco said about visiting each other’s moms. He sighed. “I am bringing the news in case nobody else does.”  
Marco’s mother looked at him, and he noticed how the brightness in her eyes vanished as he tried to stay strong. If it was hard for him, he knew it would feel a million times worse in the woman’s shoes. He heard her whisper. “No.”  
“Marco… Marco Bodt valiantly died in battle yesterday, Ma’am.” He said firmly, saluting her with a fist on his chest, hoping for it to be a knife instead of skin and bones. “The way his death happened is unknown, and I was the soldier who found his body.”  
Jean closed his eyes when he felt Marco’s mother’s body stuck to his, both of her arms around his waist as she hid her face on Jean’s chest.  
He had hoped for this encounter with her to be a hundred times different from how it was. He had expected it to happen with Marco by his side, and had expected this hug to have happened out of other feelings.

Both of them felt broken, crying as they embraced each other tightly.

“Mom.” Jean whimpered, his tears drying out on his mother’s sweater. “Dad, I am so sorry.”  
“My little boy.” His dad sighed as he kissed Jean’s forehead. “We will wholeheartedly support your choice no matter what it is.”  
“I am sure you took care of his life as much as you could, sweetheart.” He heard his mother say.

Jean looked at both of his parents as he stood up and watched them peacefully staring at him. He was ready to face what life had to offer again, and he wouldn’t run away from reality because escaping wasn’t part of his plans anymore. He learned that facing life was a much better reality than simply avoiding it. He had learned it from his dearest Marco.

 

He wondered if Marco would save him again when he went on his first expedition as a Survey Corps member, and when it would be time for them to reunite, but, for now, he would fight for his soul mate’s honor.

He would fight for the angel watching over him, and he would never disappoint him.


End file.
